AkaвЂњthis sandwich wonвЂ™t bite, I promiseвЂќ guy, aka wait, is he going to cook this kitty cat?вЂ”may or may not be dating star of such Certified Fresh movies as Chef and Topher Grace-masterwork, In Good Company: the one, the only, the Scarlett Johansson about a week ago, news broke that Bobby FlayвЂ”aka hamburgler fuccboi.
Scarlett Johansson is 32-years-old, and perhaps probably the most stunning ladies on the earth. SheвЂ™s additionally a fabulous actress, and something of the very bankable movie movie stars in Hollywood. Her in Translation? Unbelievable. Her free-spirited neuroticism in Vicky Christina Barcelona and Match aim? First class. And HeвЂ™s Simply Not That Towards You. That has been a film that has been made as soon as.
Bobby Flay, on the other hand, is 52. HeвЂ™s a Food System celebrity. Along with his title appears like the generic form of a title that gets offered at Walgreens for half the purchase price.
I did so the mathematics. IT DOESNвЂ™T ADD UP. (I ALSO DONвЂ™T KNOW SIMPLE TIPS TO DO MATH!)
Therefore I asked myself a rather question that is simple asked myself for completely different purposes nearly every morning since November:
exactly How did we arrive here? And much more especially: if they’re certainly datingвЂ”which, who knowsвЂ”how did Scar Jo get here?
Below, IвЂ™ve compiled an incomplete selection of Scarlett JohanssonвЂ™s paramours, in approximately chronological purchase. This may assist us get yourself a better image of whatвЂ™s going on here.
2002Scarlett Johansson dated Fun. guitar player, Bleachers man and otherwise big style music producer Jack Antonoff for just two years in senior school, during the expert ChildrenвЂ™s class (listed here is a photo of this valedictorian).
2004AScarlett Johansson ended up being romantically associated with Jude that is 31-year-old Law then 12 years her senior. She additionally had intercourse with Benicio del Toro in a elevator in the Chateau Marmont, which can be precisely the form of thing individuals whoвЂ™ve never ever visited the Chateau Marmont (me) would expect you’ll happen during the Chateau Marmont. She ended up being apparently seeing Patrick Wilson, too. There clearly was a pattern right here: older dudes.
2005She includes a fling with notorious ladyвЂ™s guy Jared Leto, hence starting her age-appropriate dudes period.
2005-2007Johansson dates perma-teen-hearthrob Josh Hartnett for 2 yrs. ItвЂ™s her very first genuine relationship since Antonoff in вЂ02.
2008-2011Our woman goes right from Hartnett to Ryan Reynolds, who she marries. ItвЂ™s a pretty lateral move taste-wise.
2011Scarlett gets divorced and would go to Mexico with Sean Penn.
2012Scarlett begins Nate that is dating Naylor a ny advertising exec whom, based on people who understand him, has a watch for risquГ© art and seems like Morrissey in his prime. ThatвЂ™s high praise for a normal individual to get. For contextualization sake, IвЂ™ve just ever been in comparison to Matthew Perry, but less during their prime, and much more during the years he had been coked down on Friends.
2012-2016Scarlett times, then marries, then divorces French journalist/editor Romain Dauriac.
2017Scarlett had been connected to SNL Weekend improve co-host Colin Jost as belated as asian wife might, which everybody else sort of universally agrees to be a win that is huge Colin Jost. And today, finally, it might be Flay’s change.
Okay, time for you to come back to our original concern: just how did we arrive here?
Well, after meticulously Homeland-ing my entire bed room with photos and magazine clippings and different-colored yarnsвЂ”i got myself the spools during the Yarn shop, it is a placeвЂ”we arrived up with all the explanation that is following. IвЂ™ve used dashes to separate your lives the points, to help you carry on with.
-2002 to approximately 2005 we are able to essentially discount because of Scarlett Johansson being truly a newly famous 19-year-old starlet in Hollywood. It absolutely was, as individuals state, a period. Completely understandable behavior. Particularly doing del Toro in a elevator. If you were a starlet involving the many years of 19-24 between 2003-2006, it had been essentially a rite of passage to own intercourse with del Toro in a resort lift.* After all, you dudes have experienced 21 Grams, right?
*Backed up by zero proof.
-2005 to 2011 is just about the вЂњOh wait we can essentially date any guy i would likeвЂќ period. We have Hartnett. We have Reynolds. Two severe relationships with two seriously usually good-looking dudes.
-2011 (cont.): Classic rebound situation, going from an individual who smiles on a regular basis (Reynolds) to somebody whoever face is kind of stuck in a permanent snarl (PennвЂ™s face).
-2012 to 2016 discovers Scarlett with two good-looking guys that are successfulNaylor and Dauriac) that are however maybe maybe not part of the Hollywood elite. After dating actors for way too long, this will be a reasonable departure. Plus, hot innovative execs are the actors of normal individuals.
-Post-divorce, 2017 is probably ScarlettвЂ™s many year that is interesting date. Jost is sort of a throwback into the clean-cut actors that are reynolds-esque. And Flay is like the total outcome of a) returning to her 19-year-old older-guy-phase; and b) starring in Chef in 2014. Her toggling involving the two is novel, yet also predictable: sheвЂ™s been toggling between a Jost and a Flay within one means or another her whole life that is dating.
For whatever reason, IвЂ™m 76% yes sheвЂ™ll date Anthony Bourdain next.
Sam Eichner likes literary works, truth tv along with his cats that are twin. He’s consistently been told he requires a shave since he began growing undesired facial hair.